The real way to prepare for nursing...

I read this earlier and about died laughing!  I especially loved their disclaimer on the sight about how good breastfeeding is.  I guess it's good they put that on there. 

Here's my disclaimer: 

 NO, I am not pregnant and/or prepping up for another round of breastfeeding anytime soon.  I realize that my reading an article like this might suggest otherwise, but NO!  I do happen to have a best friend that just had twins and is currently struggling though this and has been calling for tips (why she's calling me, I don't know!) so it has been on my mind.  Yes, I do think nursing is a very good thing.  Do I LOVE it...heck no!  My experience with TRYING to nurse all four of my kids has been pretty much disasterous.  Each one posed a different problem and I was never very sad to claim my chest as my own again.  So this article was pretty much exactly how I feel about it.  Sorry if that offends anyone! ;)  I'm pretty sure almost all nursing mothers can relate to this though and get a good laugh from it. 


article found here

The REAL way to prepare for nursing

Day 1
Gently rub your nipples with sandpaper.

Day 2
At bedtime set your alarm clock to go off every two hours. Each time it rings, spend 20 minutes sitting in a rocking chair with your nipples clamped by a pair of chip clips.

Day 3
Draw branching lines all over your chest with a blue-green marker, then stand in front of your bathroom mirror and sing "I Feel Pretty."

Day 4
Open your already-crowded freezer and make room for five dozen plastic milk bags.

Day 5
Fit the hose of a vacuum cleaner over one breast and set on "medium pile." Turn off vacuum when nipple is three inches long. Switch breasts.

Day 6
Obtain "DO NOT CROSS" tape from your local police station, then wrap firmly around your chest. When your spouse asks about it, say, "Get used to it."

Day 7
Tape a water balloon to each breast and squeeze into a maternity bra. Repeatedly hook and unhook the nursing flaps with one hand while using the other to balance a sack of squirming puppies.

Day 8
Dine in the fanciest, snootiest restaurant you can afford, making sure to arrive with a big wet spot directly over each nipple.

Day 9
Record your mother proclaiming, "Just give the baby some cereal like God intended, and she'll sleep right through the night." Play in an endless loop at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5 a.m.

Day 10
Slather your breasts with peanut butter, top with birdseed and stand very still in your backyard.

Day 11
Go someplace public -- a museum, a courthouse, the steps of your office building -- and stuff a lifelike baby doll under your shirt. Use the doll's arm to suddenly hike the shirt up past your collar bone. Lower shirt. Feign nonchalant smile.

Day 12
Suckle a wolverine.

Congratulations! You are now ready to nurse a baby. Maybe.

 

http://www.parenting.com/gallery/the-real-way-to-prep-for-breastfeeding